Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize