i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I will be naked everywhere
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
