The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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