you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
