and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize