is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Oh god it's open bar.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
