A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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