i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
