I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize