So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
