I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
