I want to walk on stilts...naked
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
