3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
