I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize