I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
