yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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