i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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