i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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