so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
