Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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