So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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