I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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