She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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