Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
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