I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize