I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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