I don't usually arrange sex via text message
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
