I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
