somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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