And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
