i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
