Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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