Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
