Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
