I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
