He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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