We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
