well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
