Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Is it penis luge time yet?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
