In the future we'll all be gay
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dignity is for republicans.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize