Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
