HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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