sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize