Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
