captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
