My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
