why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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