Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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