i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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