That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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