if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
