OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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