Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
