I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
there is puke in my bra ... again
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
