The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
