If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It was confusing and full of hummus
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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