at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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