Where is the hickey?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
