Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
