she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
