There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
