theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
