If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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