So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i dont even know how to be here
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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