i already hear my dad disowning me
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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