so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
