can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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