thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Can you bring me the toilet please
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
