I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
