im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
