ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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