Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
