he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
