bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
