is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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