how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
