you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
