I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's blow job season.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
