how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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