Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
