Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
