So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize