Princesses don't give blow jobs
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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