she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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