i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i came on her dog
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
