I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
