Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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