The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
