I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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