I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
