are you so shy because you have an std?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
false alarm, still single
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