She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
