Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
