U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
