he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
