I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
