is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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