My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
