Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
